The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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