Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
