You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
