Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
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It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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