3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
