I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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