I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
