I hate your face
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
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I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
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What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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