I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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