Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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