I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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