someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's shark week go big or go home
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
