Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
