Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
