best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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