so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
