TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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