You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
