whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
