just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
organizing the empties. That sober.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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