what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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