About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
