Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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