my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
