So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
