Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
