She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
