I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm both gender and math confused
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
