he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
