I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
