yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
