So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
