So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
