before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
