she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You ruined the universe
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize