Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
