is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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