I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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