Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
