I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
