I forgot how hot balto sounded
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
