Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize