He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
