I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
