You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
