Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
