Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
