i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
