his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
