Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
