If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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