Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
