k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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