His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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