I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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