You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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