My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
