smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
