It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
