I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
